Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
