My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
