Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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