If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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