I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
