I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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