Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
