Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
