You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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