you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he puts the penis in happiness.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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