worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
