i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
