love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
