How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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