Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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