You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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