he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
