I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize