is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
