Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
