You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
