I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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