so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
