Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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