I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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