I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
