i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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