Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
