who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
