is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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