$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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