Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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