Sponge bath it is.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
