i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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