i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
