I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize