I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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