Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
