y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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