Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
