She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
