what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
