I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
