those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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