Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
