would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
