Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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