I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
