An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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