You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
