Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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