I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just had sex on a roof
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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