This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
