it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
