Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
