have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
