is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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