So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm like, not good at living.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
