My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
