he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
