Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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