Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
