she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
