i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
