Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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