thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize