i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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