I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
