I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
