Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
