you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
