In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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