Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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