i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
