He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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